i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
