he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
