I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
