I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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