I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
