Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
