I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Randomize
