she woke up with a sticky ear
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize