I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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