you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
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