at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
