Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I didn't notice because vodka
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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