i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Randomize