I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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