Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
