i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
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