i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
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