I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
She tied me up with her honor cords...
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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