I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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