how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
