he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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