I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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