11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
