I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Randomize
