At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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