***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
barbara walters just said penis...
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
