Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
he fucked my hip out of place.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
They are going to name an STD after you.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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