sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
bring money and cleavage
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
