Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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