How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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