Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Randomize
