honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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