i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Randomize