remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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