My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
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