id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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