So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
