I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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