i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
