She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
