Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
