she looked like the bat from fern gully.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
