Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
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