I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
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