just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Randomize
