I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Randomize
