Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
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