somebody snuck up and got me drunk
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
