If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Randomize
