Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Randomize
