I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
