don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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