its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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