So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
