end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Let's get the cat blown out
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
