if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
