Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Randomize
