I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
