Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
