ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
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