I am in a vortex of obligation.
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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