Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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