I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
