So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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