I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
