rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
She told me I should be a condom model.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
