Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize
