My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
