it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
