Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
