I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
