He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
