Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
