Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
bring money and cleavage
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
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