Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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