oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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