His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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