then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
