opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
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